No Excuse For Rude!

I've been working on today's blog for over a week now. First I was going to write about our recent vacation, but it didn't go all that well. Since I would rather highlight the good and/or positive things that happen in our lives with regards to autism, I thought I'd write about something else. Then I realized I wasn't being honest about our autism journey if I don't include the "ugly" parts too. After all, this is about learning, teaching and relating to others who have kiddos on the spectrum, have some form autism themselves, or are curious about it.

So, this is going to be about our not-so-good family vacation.

This spring we went to Disneyland for 6 days and 5 nights. We usually go at a time when the park is "relatively quiet" since the boys have ASD* and have different sensory issues. We've gone a couple of times a year for the past few years and it usually has great results. The boys usually "open up" and it becomes easier to communicate with them. They are more interested and engaged with us, in ABA** therapy and at school after we go. Because of our kiddos have special needs, we have developed a general routine when we to Disneyland and it usually helps us have a good time.

I was a little curious how this time would go since the DAS*** card for special needs had been changed (wrote about in last October's blog) the last time we went. This was our first full week of using the pass, last time we went, the pass for special needs changed midweek. I was hoping it would go better than the reviews I had been reading from other families. For us, the pass helped us most of the time, so I really have no complaints about the pass in general. I will discuss it again on another blog, what worked and didn't work for us (there could definitely be improvement to the pass).

We were told by someone on the "staff" that Southern California schools had "reorganized" their schools to take spring break at different times throughout the months of March and April. It certainly seemed true. It was the busiest we have ever seen it during any of our previous vacations.

When we got off the freeway, onto a road that generally takes about 5 minutes to reach our hotel... we came to a stand still. The boys "went off" right away because they knew where we were and couldn't understand why we weren't moving. It took us about 20 minutes to reach the hotel in start and stop traffic. We expected there to be an accident or something... there wasn't anything but a lot of traffic.

This year we weren't able to renew our annual passes online due to "technical difficulties" online, so we had to go to the ticket booth before we could even check into the hotel. The lines were long, the sun was very bright and there was very little shade. So... Daniel had an extreme meltdown - complete with crying, scratching, kicking, biting, everything. My husband was trying to redirect his attention in every way, but not without some very visible battle scars.

By the time we checked in and went to the park it was mid-afternoon. We headed straight to Disneyland's City Hall for our DAS passes for the boys. It was easy (unfortunately) to show the young lady what happens if either of the boys has a meltdown - my husband was our model.

My biggest complaint was that many people we ran into this time were plain old rude. People would stop in big groups - right in the middle of the street... "Stopped walking, right there and block traffic", instead of moving out of the way. Then they'd look at other people like it was where they were suppose to be. Just blocking traffic in a very busy intersection while hundreds of people found their way around. It wasn't like it was one group of people that did this... it happened every few hundred feet with different groups of people.

I could easily get past this if it was just my husband and I, but with kiddos who just don't understand why traffic, that is supposed to keep moving has suddenly come to an abrupt stop... well, needless to say, my blood pressure started to rise quickly. If that wasn't enough, we actually had many different adults - or what looked like they should've been adults - completely cut us off while we were walking. No "excuse me" or anything, just rude - pushing their way through, not even a second thought of the little kiddos they almost knocked down.

It's easy for me to get upset at people who are ignorant of special needs children. It's really easy to get angry with people who are rude. But, for me it's really, really easy to get mad at people who are both rude and ignorant of others and special needs kiddos. Maybe it's because I was tired and more ready for a vacation than I can remember being or what, but it seemed like It didn't matter where the we went there were extremely rude people.

Most days we went into the park early, tried to be calm and patient, but ended up going back to the hotel early in the day. We worked on school work in the hotel and would go to the pool or out for a short ride. For the first time ever, we came home without even going into the park the last day we were there. Even the boys were ready to leave. We were all definitely glad to be home.

From a mother's heart - I'm not sure if there were actually more rude people this year, or I just noticed it this time. Either way, it's seems to be a growing trend so - I'm going to look for way to keep them from stealing our joy next time.
God Bless! 
*ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder; ABA - Applied Behavior Analysis; DAS - Disability Access Service;

Funny How Things Turn Out

Remembering the days when everything, well almost everything, on my to do list got done and there was usually time left over in the day. Getting up, making the bed, showering, going to work, etc. It seemed like my lists were always checked off when I was younger, rarely did I have to put anything off until the next day. Now I find myself making 2 or 3 lists of things to get done and I'm lucky if most of the items aren't pushed onto tomorrows list. Funny how things turn out.

At one time I was consumed by having everything in it's place. The house had to be clean and tidy. Then I married someone who wasn't that way. Clean - yes, but there was a tendency to "collect" things. Clutter actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise, it started me on the road to loosening up if things were out of order. As long as the house is clean, I don't completely stress out if it's cluttered. I've learned that anything that doesn't get done when I think it should, will usually be there to do the next day. Funny how things turn out.

When I was younger I had my life mapped out. I wanted to be married by the time I was 24, a few years later start a family. I initially wanted the "old idea of family" - a house with the white picket fence, the back yard big enough for kiddos and a dog or 2. A small garden in one corner. Since then I've learned that most things will not go the way you plan it, when it comes to life in general. Funny how things turn out.

There was a time in my life when I had to have every detail in my day, week and month planned. It had to be as "perfect" as I could get it. Well, of course I learned that nothing in this life is perfect. There are "perfect" moments that we are blessed to experience every so often. However, once you realize that nothing is perfect, the stress begins to lift. Funny how things turn out.

Like many people who start out in marriage, we tried to have our own kiddos. We weren't able, though not for lack of trying. Many years of raised and dashed hopes. But when we were finally introduced to our boys, all the sad memories faded away, a whole new life of hope invaded. Funny how things turn out.

When the boys were babies I had all these dreams of what it would be like, how they could have anything in the world they desired. What they would be like, what conversations we could have. Then they were diagnosed with autism and everything changed. Funny how things turn out.

At first I was "afraid" there would be so many things they'd never be able to do. That they'd be labeled and looked down on. Then I learned how much they could do. They began to show me their only limit, like any child, are the limits we put on them. Funny how things turn out.

From a mother's heart - like many people with special needs children, we've learned that they themselves are special.