A Matter of Perspective

To say that during this vacation I have been well, tested, would be an understatement.  I have been spoiled by the boys being in school Monday through Friday. It's my "me time". I've gotten use to being able to run errands, make appointments have some quiet time with God, clean the house and some days I even get to catch up on some of my shows on the DVR. I love getting things done, that sense of accomplishment. But I love spending time with my boys more. I just find it difficult to keep them entertained when we have more than a few days off. The hardest part for me is that they have learned how to "tag team", they have figured out how to have one distract while the other does something they shouldn't be doing. (Which is a whole other topic).

Anyway, I try to insert myself into their "play" - they aren't impressed, or interested. I try to work on getting them to say the words I know they are working on in school and with ABA. I also work with them on colors: point to, what color is it, where is a color. Then there's numbers and alphabet, but you can only make that so much fun. Also, there are other things we work on too.

Then I remember that the company (Holdsambeck and Assoc., Inc.) we use for ABA works to teach kiddos in a natural setting as well as structured. So, I start trying to think of things from a different angle, I try to see things from my kiddos point of view. Now I know that I'll never be able to see it from the autistic, spectrum point of view, but I can get down on the floor and see things literally from their point of view. I'm learning that when I ask for them to point to a color, there might be a shadow or glare from the window on the item I'm asking about.

So, now I realize that there could be issues that are making it difficult for them to comply. So, I adjust to help them be able to succeed. I realize now that there are some things that I can see outside that they can't see, so I try to remember to look from their view point when I ask them a question.

To be honest, I find myself having less and less patience as the week goes on. The boys need so much in terms of input, sensory and otherwise, that I know I can't do it alone. So, the weeks that they are out of school, I do the best I can. I realize that I can not give them all that need, I am just one parent alone with the kiddos during the day and that's ok. I am not able to structure the day as well as their teachers at school can. I find myself waiting for the wonderful ABA - behavior instructors to enter my home and give the boys one aspect of their routine that will restore a little normalcy to our day.

Kudos to the single parents out there, with typical kids and to those who have kiddos with disorders. I don't know how you do it day after day without burning out. I try to always see the cup as half full, but it gets really harder the longer the boys have off school. I wonder what I'd do if I couldn't get them the programs they needed in and out of the school system. I know that I would have to find a way to cope and learn to teach them myself, but then I would most definitely have to look at everything from a different perspective every say.

Having a good support system is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. On those days when you are feeling rung out, emotionally spent or just completely overloaded, you can talk to someone who knows (or has an idea) what you're going through. Even if it's just to blog about your day, knowing that no one may ever read, and that's ok. Sometimes just talking, reading or writing will give you a new perspective on what you've gone through. New ways of looking at the issues, thinking about the problems or how you handled a situation. You never know where you'll get inspiration that will help you see things a little differently. My husband has great way of stating the fact that we each have a different perspective, and that we can each give different input on the same topic. "If we look at a baseball we see different sides of the ball. We aren't going to see the same thing" we will each have a different perspective of it.

I try to remember that it wasn't that long ago that I was afraid we'd never be blessed with children. So, this reminds me to be thankful that we have children to test me.   :)

From a mother's heart - Sometimes a change in how we see things is in order.