Obstacles and Expectations

Have you ever gone to a public place (mall or a park) sat down somewhere and just - watched people. Every once in a while we will make it to a populated place, grab a snack and sit down and chat. The boys are generally involved in a snack of their choice and we find ourselves "people watching". It's pretty fun to try to imagine what people are like, what they do for a living, what their family is like and as much as I hate to admit it, wonder what kind of obstacles they face. It may sound odd, but I admit that it generally makes me feel better. Not because others have obstacles, but to think my family isn't alone, and things could be much, much worse. You see, no one has a stress-free life. Everyone has something that is a major obstacle in their life that they must over come, or learn to live with.

I will be the first admit that I have made many, many, many mistakes in my life. Some real doozies. I know my parents expected more from me, shoot, I expected more from me. I'm the one that had to "learn by doing" it myself. Does that mean that I was incapable of learning? No, I just learned in a different way. So, I wonder if the world has any balance between those who learn by hearing and those who learn by doing. How many of us "typical" folk bring on our own obstacles because we didn't learn our lessons the first time the were presented to us. How many of us followed someone else's example and totally bombed because we thought they had the answers, and it turned out they were just as lost as us.

I read an interesting article the other day about a study on "silly" actions" - if you haven't read it, please follow the link below. It's pretty interesting. In a nutshell these people took 30 typical and 31 kiddos with autism and showed them a way to do something. While going through the steps, the "instructors" would add "silly" actions to see who copied them (tapping a container lid twice before removing it). It turns out that the atypical, the autistic - not as smart as typical????? kiddos (yeah, right), less than a quarter followed the silly instructions - where as almost half of the typical kids did. Hmm. Sounds pretty interesting to me.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/04/08/kids-with-autism-dont-copy-silly-actions/

So, what exactly are we expecting from our kiddos - especially those with autism spectrum disorder (ASD)? As some of you know, for the last couple of months we have been facing the annual "transitional" IEP (Individual Education Program) process for our boys. A "triennial" IEP also, with one of them. They are both being assessed to see what they've learned this year vs. what goals they were "expected" to meet. The triennial is more in-depth. Terms like "autistic like" behaviors (because the school cannot legally diagnose autism - even when they have the confirmed diagnosis) to I.D. (intellectual disability) have been batted around. I get so upset when a child (autistic or not) is label with possible I.D. when trying to where they will be placed in the school system. According to the school system and many agencies who will help the child physically, psychologically and financially:   I.D. (intellectual disability) basically means that the child has a "limited" scope, an inability to learn. (That of course is paraphrased. The criteria they use is "based on" the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which is the "bible" for psychologists when they are diagnosing.

I think something is seriously wrong with a world that can say one person is incapable of learning, when the fact is, as long as you function in the world you will learn. That person may not learn the way we "expect" them to, their obstacle may be that they don't appear to learn what someone else "thinks" they should. Does that mean we stop trying to teach them? The next time you find yourself "expecting" something from someone else remember, they have their own obstacles and expectations.

From a mother's heart - Please take the time to look at who you are dealing with and adjust your expectations so that neither of you will be disappointed.