Exactly Who We're Meant to Be

I've been told many times how lucky my boys are to have me and my husband, I'm not always sure about that. I think that we are not only the lucky ones, but blessed to have them. Many times, over many years, I had prayed for children. I had imagined how life would be when we had children. Watching them grow, hearing about their day... just being able to share our lives as a family.

When the boys were still really small, it looked like everything was finally falling into place. We had finally come together as a family, they were growing stronger every day, meeting their milestones. They completed us, made us a family. Everything seemed perfect. But nothing's perfect is it?

When we received the diagnosis that Daniel had autism, I went through a period of "mourning". I realized that he would never be everything I thought he should be. When my "pity party" was over (and thank God it didn't take long), I realized that he, and Anthony too, was exactly who God made him to be. (I also went through the same thing when Anthony was diagnosed.)

Realizing that they were exactly who they were meant to be, allowed me to realize that I am right where I'm suppose to be. I have learned to look at things from a different point of view. I know that no matter how it looks to the outside, I am not the mom I wanted to be, I am the mom I was meant to be. I realize it's more than I could ever have imagined. My life is full, good and bad, I'm not always happy, but God's taught me the true meaning of being content. (That makes me very, very happy.)

I have become a very patient person but, by the end of the day, I have a very hard time giving my boys the "me" they need. I am so grateful that my husband gets home from work and takes over (so to speak)... as much as the boys let him anyway. By that time I have a very hard time not raising my voice, or sending them to their room, just for being who they are. It's when I need my time out.

Once I'm able to have a little time to myself (usually during the time daddy takes them for a walk, or gives them a bath) I can replenish my "patience" tank. Then I can once again give them what they need most at the time, me.

From a mother's heart - once I realized what my kiddos need most is me, I realized that I'm who I'm suppose to be. I'm right where I'm supposed to be too. What about you?
God Bless