The appeal of getting back to school, back to their routine - completely guided their behavior. I've watched the boys extra close, since they were diagnosed, and have found that no matter how much I wish otherwise, my boys lack empathy. I have read that most people on the spectrum are like this. They lack empathy and sympathy. But, I think every one of us wants to believe their child cares about how their family and peers feel. Truth be told, the only time "our" feelings affect our boys is when it affects them directly. For example: if we are upset, the boys generally pay no attention, there is no consolation or even concern. However, if us being upset keeps us from responding to them, they notice and get upset themselves (but not because we are upset). They may have no response, not know how to respond or even have an inappropriate emotional response. They actually have to learn what the emotions look like and learn the acceptable response.
I remember reading many "stories" where people said that autistic people lacked empathy, sympathy, emotion and ability to love. These were written mostly by "professionals". I have learned that the first two are quite often true. At least with our boys and the other kiddos I've met. The last two are total B.S. in my book. (Not that it means anything to anyone else). I have read and been told that children on the spectrum are not social or loving. Social, I understand, they will generally be off by themselves rather than interact with others. They usually have to learn to play appropriately with others, or at least learn to play side by side with another child (parallel play). What I totally disagree with is the "lack of emotion or ability to love" statements. I know for us anyway, we had a hard time even getting our boys initially assessed for autism because they were "too loving" and "too social". The biggest issue with people "in the field" was only seeing how they acted around us. But... not around other people or their peers. Not all children on the spectrum avoid touch (though some do).
Our boys have shown us a whole new level of emotion and love, we are learning more and more everyday. They are very intense with their emotions. When they are sad, happy, mad or anything else... they own it. They will completely express what they are feeling. The difference between those on the spectrum and those who aren't is - when they have a specific emotion, they have no regard for what anyone thinks or how others may feel about it. Just like people might like to be however, they aren't ashamed or uncomfortable because of how they act. They experience an emotion, then move onto the next. Because they can and do live in the moment, the previous emotion is now forgotten. There are also those who say that people diagnosed with ASD are not capable of love. I totally disagree, if they are capable of emotions, how can they not be capable of love? I see my boys are totally partial to being with certain people. They prefer the company of those people, and they will only come to someone in particular when they are in need of comfort.
So, know matter what anyone else says, what the "data" says, one thing I will always agree with is that everyone on the spectrum is different. They all have some "similar" behaviors (which define autism), but, they are not all the same. Everyone has different personalities, different ways of learning, processing etc. People with ASD are no different. Just because they are on the spectrum does not mean they all do this, or don't do that, all have these issues or those.
From a mother's heart.
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