Twin-epathy

As I sit at the table in our dining room and watch my boys doing ABA, I realize just how far they have come. I am also realistic enough after two plus years to know they still have a way to go. The boys have separate kiddie tables about 12 plus feet apart in our living room. Both boys are doing pretty well as they move through their individual programs. The behavior instructors and the boys have gotten use to working with each one individually while another session goes on just feet away. Every so often, one will listen to the other working and answer for them. For example: Daniel will be told to say "red ball", he won't want to comply. A few times of hearing "no, try again" - Anthony will pipe up "red ball". It's very hard not to laugh when it happens. There are times when, as twins, they will totally feed off each other, sometimes good and sometimes not so good.

Some days they work through their programs and everything goes relatively well, not too much distraction from each other. One may be a little upset, the other pretty much ignores it. Then there are those days, when one will start to laugh and set off the other one. Shortly thereafter, the "giggles" start and it will bounce back and forth. It gets really hard not to laugh as they slowly begin to get full on belly laughs going.

Then, there are the "not-so-good" days when, one will get upset. Depending on the depth of despair (so to speak), the other will be "set off". As deliriously as they laughed together, they will cry just as hard. The difficulty is to get at least one of them to realize that the other one is alright, and the world is not ending. Comforting them is sometimes difficult because they think they should be able to stop working completely. The trick is to keep them working through the tears. I know this may sound harsh, but, I've noticed that this also helps them to redirect away from emotions they may get caught up in. I am not talking about "boys don't cry" or anything, I don't believe that in any way, shape or form. I'm also, not talking about legitimate "hurts" (emotional or otherwise). I'm talking about the fact that , my boys at least, will be "over" whatever seems to be wrong in a matter of a couple of minutes. After that, they don't even appear to know why they are crying anymore. Whether it's from autism, age or delays, our boys have a tendency to get caught up in the intense emotions for a longer time, especially when not redirected as soon as possible. It's almost as if a switch gets thrown and it gets stuck in the on position, you just have to figure out how to "UN-stick" the control.

I've learned that identical twins, either with or without autism, seem to maintain their "twin connection". The one that says, "I know what you're thinking... feeling... etc." The, "laugh at the same time - and laugh harder cuz no one knows why we're laughing..." The boys have always had a connection unlike any other I've known, they definitely have the twin-telepathy, twin-empathy or what I like to call... twin-epathy. At first, we thought great, they are being social with each other, it must be a foundation we can build on for their social skills... how WRONG we were. The psychologists we spoke to made it very clear that the twin connection is one all it's own. Though it had already been proven to us by the boys, I still researched and found that data shows it's true more often than not.

Though the boys are identical in virtually every way, they still have their own identity, moods, looks, etc. They even are on different levels of the spectrum. So, whether singles or multiples, it once again proves to us that no two people with ASD are exactly alike.

From a mother's heart - enjoy your kiddos. Their moods, play, words... them. Stay positive and remember your babe(s) are individuals, regardless.