Let It Out!

There comes a time in the life of every parent when they feel they've had too much. You've changed one too many diapers on a child who should be potty trained by now; you've cleaned up the same toys for the 100th time today; "Joey's" routine was disrupted and now he won't calm down. You've started the same task 50 times already, and 3 hours later, still haven't finished... Aah!!! You want to scream, "I need a time out!" (probably something worse...). We've all felt that way at one time or another and if you have children on the spectrum, I bet you feel guilty for feeling it. Right? I know I do, or at least I did at one time. You may feel like you're the worst parent in the world. I know I start thinking about the fact that people with ASD (autism spectrum disorder)or other special needs, go along on impulse. Sometimes they can't seem to control those impulses. They may need several hundred (thousand) reminders not to do something they shouldn't. It's not (usually) disobedience, it's just the way they're wired. Then I think "what's wrong with me." The truthful answer, "nothing" - we're human and we all need a break of some kind every so often. Especially when the frustration builds up.

You can't seem to help yourself, you feel like you're going to explode if you don't find an outlet. So, now you're ready to walk out to door to get some fresh air, maybe go for a long, long, long walk. However, in most of our situations that can't happen. In most cases we can't leave our children alone or unattended for more than a few minutes at a time, not even to step on the porch for a short break. We are the primary care giver, at least until the time when your significant other (if you are lucky enough to have one) gets home. In many cases it's hard to get help with your little ones with autism. Other people want to help, but aren't prepared for the things that can arise. They don't know how to deal with an outburst; many can't tell the difference between an meltdown, episode or tantrum. It kind of scares them because, even if they've seen it happen, they have no idea of how to deal with it. Then there's the fact that, especially with a child on the spectrum, that you need develop a certain way to deal with issues. If you don't fill in your babysitter / caregiver, you are setting them up for failure. You have a specific way that you do things that the kiddos look for. The "babysitter /caregiver" may not do it the same way as the parent(s). So unless the person has spent a lot of time with the child and built a close relationship - they'll leave as soon as you come back in the door, and they'll be "busy" the next time you call for help.  So what do we do at times when we have no help, when we want to scream or cry or anything that will let it out? When there's no one we can call to help in those "stress moments" that threaten to drive us completely insane? Before you start screaming at the kiddos and acting like a mad woman person, try these techniques:

• Close your eyes and breathe. Block out any sound you can with a familiar song
• Start singing a song out of the blue - a kids song or not (this will usually entertain the kiddos and help them calm down too)
• Start a "yelling" or "scream session" - you first then try to get the kids to do it (it'll be fun relieving stress - theirs and yours) [Don't overdo - you don't want the police to show up :)  ] No words
• start coloring with your little ones
• Start dancing with your babes
• Start a "tickle" fight, pillow fight (pillows can be replace - sanity, not so much)
• Go outside with your kiddos and take a walk
• start laughing - for no reason, just laugh - it's contagious
• take the kiddos for a ride
• go outside and play with your kiddos - play like you did when you were little (insert yourself into their play)
• Get a healthy snack to share with your kiddos - something crunchy
• If it's hot, get the hose out and play with the water (clothes and shoes dry)
• If it's raining, go out and play in the rain for a few minutes (again - clothes and shoes dry)

They do help; not always, but a lot of the time. Something I read / heard years ago has always stuck with me, and I've seen that it's true: "what you suppress, your kids express". In other words, if you're feeling anxious, mad, silly or happy, the kiddos will express those feelings. They'll act your feelings out, they are extremely intuitive.

Here are a few articles which deal with stress too:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/quick_stress_relief.htm
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress-management/MY00435/DSECTION=stress-relief         and        http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress-management/MY00435/DSECTION=relaxation-techniques

Dealing with your stress and anxiety will help you to be a better parent / caregiver and teach your children that even you need redirection sometimes.

From a mother's heart - remember everyone gets overwhelmed, anxious or stressed. Let it out in a positive way. The difference between a good and not so good parent is how you choose to deal with it. Keep your cool, aren't your loved ones worth it (and you)!