Don't Miss the Forest for the Trees

We all have things that we work on... or out for that matter. Everyday we have something that we strive to do, to learn, to fix. For some it may be school or a job, for others research and others... themselves. However, many of us get to the place where we are so focused on something, we can forget to see the bigger picture. We "miss the forest for the trees".

Today I had a great conversation with a friend, who is also a mom of a kiddo on the spectrum. During our conversation, we covered what type of behaviors are autistic, and the fact that there are so many "cross over" behaviors (behaviors that are the same in more than one type disorder). Because of this it can make it difficult to properly diagnose and/or accept a diagnosis of ASD (autistic spectrum disorder). Many times a kiddo may have autism, a mental disorder, another developmental disorder, or any combination of these. There are some myths (with autism) that many of us may be tempted to believe, even when we know better. I also realized that sometimes too much information can mislead us into thinking something is or isn't what it seams.

There are so many myths about autism. There are truths within some of the myths. Then there are out and out lies untruths that have become a myth. The following are some of the myths I've heard several times, I've known some are bull--- others I've even looked up to verify myself. They generally begin with something like:

People with Autism.....

...always have extreme behaviors (myth)
               - may have some extreme behaviors - not all (truth)
...have extreme behaviors last for a "long" time (stimming, meltdowns, etc.) (myth)
               - may have extreme behaviors that last for a while, or may last only seconds before they transition to another behavior (truth)
...are not affectionate (myth)
               - may be more affectionate than anyone you know. (truth)

...aren't social at all (myth)**
               - are not always social in ways that stereotypical people might be. They can be loving and interact with preferred family [the one's                  they've brought into their world]. (truth)
...don't play or interact with others (myth)**
               - generally don't have the same social skills like neurotypical people, but they can learn. (truth)

playing with the same thing at the same time doesn't mean they are or aren't playing or being social

...don't understand what's going on around them (myth - lie untruth)
               - everything I've read, heard and learned proves this is wrong - many autistic individuals have been able to break out their silence                   with modern equipment. Computers, etc. Those who've written stories / books have given the proof that this is not true.(truth)
...have long lasting meltdowns, episodes or tantrums (myths)
               - some with ASD little to no meltdowns, or simply have very short ones. It all depends on the situation and the person. (truth)
...must "look" a certain way (myth - lie untruth)
               - there is generally no way to tell if a person has autism by just looking at them. It requires watching and getting to know them. (truth)
...always have meltdowns if their routines are changed (myth)
               - may or may not have a meltdown with the change of a routine, though most routines set up will provide great comfort.(truth)

I've heard people combine these myths with "always" and/or "never" many times, and I admit that it makes my skin crawl. Nothing is ever "always" or "never" (at least not in this life). I've had to re-examine the way I look at things many times because, I admit that I am guilty of getting caught up in some data about autism and other disorders. I begin to look at things as if through a telescope. I will focus so much on the information I am currently researching that I may temporarily lose track of what I've learned previously. Then I have to be reminded that autism is indeed a puzzle and each piece is part of the bigger picture.

I envision the puzzle that is autism looking like a rainbow with a beautiful sky, a small threatening storm cloud in the background and luscious ground below. Every piece fits together, but not all pieces are the same. Some pieces have more "red" than others, then there are pieces that are all blue, then there are pieces that have several different colors in the same piece. Like a snowflake, even if two look similar there will be differences.

Out of all the possible behaviors that can exist with someone who has autism, there is no "exact". In other words, kiddo's who flap their hands may have autism, but not all kids with autism will flap their hands. Some people on the spectrum may twirl around in circles for "a long" time, some may twirl around a few times and be done, others may not twirl at all.

Some may seem to have no routine at all and not be bothered if a current routine is upset. However, we (as I learned recently) don't always recognize when a routine has been established. For example, for a while this summer, Steve would take the boys for a walk when he got home and they had finished their ABA (applied behavior analysis) session. Other nights, if he got home later, we would eat and then he would take them for a walk. Basically the same routine, but a little different order. However, the boys see the routine and "their schedule" - so on nights when they didn't go for their walk right away, there would always be conflict.


From a mother's heart - autism awareness to me is: learning, sharing, teaching and loving enough to say "I understand we are different and I love you for it." (of course I think this should apply to everyone in ours lives anyway.)      Each tree is a puzzle piece.
God Bless!

**  I believe that when using the word "social" in regards to autism, there needs to be more clarification of what defines "being social". For instance a child who loves hugs and cuddles is not necessarily being social - it can be a sense of comfort and safety. we all need. Some people with autism can get the same result from a vest or a "squeeze machine". It's all individual. I do not believe for one second that this can constitute "social" or "anti-social" behavior when looking at autism behaviors.