Grieving and Resilience

How resilient our children are. Not just our boys, but every child out there. I have found it very hard to sit down and focus on writing my blog this past week, not just because it's the week before Christmas, or the fact that every time I've tried to sit down and write, I get pulled away... But because, being the week before Christmas, I can't imagine what the families in Connecticut are going through. I've started to start a blog page every day over the last few days, and then erased it all because I couldn't seem to keep my focus. I keep thinking of the presents bought, the empty stockings, the other religious celebrations that will be hampered by a missing spirit. Whether Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Christmas or whatever they may celebrate they all have grieving in common.

This is a poem I've written for those in Connecticut I wanted to share before I get back to the regular blog...

Twenty-six hearts stopped beating,
Twenty children went away,
Six adults to shield them,
I can't imagine what they'd say.

To calm those precious little ones,
Before innocence was lost,
In a place that should be safe,
They paid the highest cost.

To learn and play and grow,
No longer will they roam,
Heaven stood quietly waiting,
To bring it's angels home.

Since last Friday, I have watched my boys a little closer, hugged them a little tighter and tried to interact with them a little more during "our time". I will snuggle them on the couch in between getting out of bed and school, sit and talk to them in between getting out of school and their ABA sessions. I will try to interact, and eventually snuggle and watch TV with them again between ABA and when daddy gets home. I have asked them questions that I know they aren't going to answer (at least not at this point), I've looked into their eyes to see if there is any understanding of what I'm saying. Everything I've read about people who have an ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) that have learned to communicate when they got older, says they understood virtually everything that was talked about in front of them when they were younger. Because of this, we refuse to use the words stupid or fat in our household. We don't watch graphic news in front of our boys. We modify our behavior so they don't ever feel like they aren't smart, and we don't every want them to feel like they are a burden in any way.

                                  

We have noticed how resilient they are. Sometimes because of the autism, and sometimes not, our kiddos are quick to change their emotion, they don't "dwell" on anything. One minute the may be sad because they fell, someone took a toy or the routine changed, but the next moment they can be a happy as can be. They truly forgive and forget. They don't hold grudges. The outside world doesn't affect them. Those in direct contact with them are who they are focused on. They totally live in the moment. They don't lie, they don't purposely avoid someone. They follow where there eyes and hearts lead them. They are precious, innocent and curious. They are not out to harm anyone and they don't live in fear of being harmed. There is no concept of harming anyone else.

If only the world were like that.