Waiting For Words

I see small children at the stores, walking with their family outside or at the playground. You hear them speak and find yourself asking "how old?" They respond and you are utterly amazed at the vocabulary and the way the child is able to communicate, to hold a conversation (to some degree). Then the other parent will inevitably say something like, "they won't shut up." You realize just how much your child is not talking. I find myself in this postition more often than not, but instead of feeling sorry for my child or myself, I try to make sure that parent realizes just how lucky they are. I will generally respond with something like, "Oh that's awesome. Yea, my boys have autism. One uses words, but is having to learn how to use them, and the other one barely talks at all." This will usually illicit the response, "oh, yea" and you know they simply don't know what to say. Others give the "I feel so sorry for you" look. Others try to change the subject. But my absolute favoriteare those who respond with, "I guess I never thought about it that way", and you know they mean it.

I never have initiated a conversation to make anyone feel sorry for me, my family or certainly not our boys. I have wanted to inform people about what autism is. Try to get people to understand what it looks like. Most people with autism, or on the spectrum, don't look anything other than "normal" (whatever that is). You generally have no way of knowing someone has autism by looking at them. The meltdowns or episodes that the person with ASD have closely resemble a temper tanrum. For us it usually happens when we are out too long, the boys are overly tired or hungry , or there is a sensory overload (i.e., too many people, flickering lights). The first reaction is the same as the mom who's child is throwing a tantrum: uncomfortable embarassment, then anger. The looks you can get and the comments you hear. Unbelievable. People don't usually realize that you hear almost anything when it's said about your child. But as you realize that all children have their issues, you slowly begin to have sympathy empathy for the mom who's child is having an issue.

I have actually printed my own cards for those times when someone is just plain rude when it comes to either or both of my boys having a meltdown. I've printed something on both sides:

                       

ASD is the fastest growing disorder (by which I mean more and more children diagnosed daily), and it's slowly being to be talked about more often. Most people seem to have at least heard the word. However, most people I've talked to (who don't have someone in their lives with an ASD) have no idea what autism is. It's amazing that until it becomes a part of your life, it's not something that's talked about,  So please, please, please - learn and talk about it. As much as it's being diagnosed, it will affect almost everyone at some point, whether it's a son, daughter, cousin, friend or just someone you know.

God Bless!